


Burning One Hell of A Something

by that_1_incident



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Conversations, Canon Compliant, Closeted Character, Drunken Confessions, Episode: s01e02 Bless the Beast and the Children, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 03:39:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8430406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_1_incident/pseuds/that_1_incident
Summary: What might have happened if Helen, Gabe, and Bo hadn't interrupted Philip and Lukas' drunken conversation at the sheriff's office.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a lyric from Ellie Goulding's "Burn."
> 
> PS, these boys break my heart :) :) :)
> 
> PPS, [check this out too](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8400745). And [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8563414) or whatever.

They're drunk - wasted, really - and the interior of the sheriff's office looks fuzzy at the edges, feels like a boat rocking up and down. Philip tries to steady himself, leaning against the headrest of one of the cheap pleather chairs by the door in an attempt to make everything stop moving. By this point, Lukas has entirely given up on sitting and is instead lying on his back on the floor. 

"Why..." Philip begins, because although his throat feels like sandpaper from the whiskey, Helen will come back any minute and Lukas will clam up once she does. "Why did you kiss me earlier?"

"What?" 

"Because you wanted to, or because you didn't want me to tell?"

Philip's talking to the ceiling - it's easier that way, doesn't make him feel quite so dizzy, and if that happens to mean he can't make eye contact with Lukas, well, maybe that's for the best. He needs the question to sound as offhand as possible, like, _oh, hey, by the way..._ and if Lukas sees the look in his eyes, he'll see the fear there too. The fear that the kiss didn't mean anything; the fear that it _did_ and he'll be cast back into the maelstrom of Lukas' making, except it's not really even Lukas' fault - it's bigger than that. It's his dad and the kids at school and the way everyone's so fucking conservative in Dutchess County, and the sheer scale of it makes Philip's head spin, or maybe that's just the alcohol. 

"I'm not supposed to like you this way," Lukas responds flatly. 

It's simultaneously a non-answer and an unmistakable acknowledgement that the kiss happened because he wanted it to. Philip closes his eyes. 

"What way?" he asks into the blackness. 

The alcohol is roiling in his stomach, and he knows the topic of conversation isn't helping - nor, for that matter, is his proximity to Lukas, or the fact that Lukas is just lying there in front of him, or that they're even in the same _room_ together. Being in Lukas' presence is like standing next to an open flame; hell, an entire bonfire. Philip wants to sleep this off, but how is he supposed to do that when the carpet at his feet is ablaze?

"Like... an I-want-you way," Lukas answers, the words slurring slightly. "Like - like _that_ , you know, like... You know Rose was gonna blow me earlier? And you were, uh, you were right."

Lukas drank more of the bottle to start with, and Philip probably has a higher tolerance, and Lukas probably has more to run from, all of which means he's farther gone than Philip right now, to the point that he's barely making sense. 

"Right about what?" Philip persists anyway. He actually thinks he has a shot at staying reasonably coherent as long as he keeps his eyes closed. 

Lukas is quiet for long enough that Philip is beginning to contemplate the pros and cons of opening his eyes to check if the other boy passed out when Lukas finally clarifies, "About me. You know. Wanting you to be jealous of Rose. Wanting you to want to, uh..." 

He trails off, and Philip's stomach lurches again. He knows Lukas isn't going to finish the sentence. 

"I don't know what to say to that," he admits. 

Lukas is on the floor beneath him murmuring "I know, man, I know," his voice muffled like his hands are covering his face, like this is the worst thing that's ever happened to him. They witnessed a goddamn multiple homicide and _Philip_ is the worst thing that's ever happened to him. 

"I'm not... I don't want to _not_ kiss you," Lukas says eventually, and Philip's mind wraps itself slowly around the double negative. "It's just - my dad, and Rose, and..."

"I know." 

Philip leans forward in the chair, ignoring his body's protests. He reaches for Lukas' hand, tentatively laces their fingers together, then just as tentatively squeezes. Lukas goes stock-still like a frightened rabbit, and Philip wonders if the other boy is busy channeling some kind of superhuman drunken strength to slap him away like the time he got too close in the cabin, the time right before their first kiss. After a few moments, Lukas squeezes back.


End file.
